Female Fiasco: Truths for Mature Humans

Oct 21, 2013 -- 7:10am

Chain emails.  


They really are some of my least favorite things…I never enjoy getting them and I definitely don’t forward them on…so far I haven’t had bad luck from not forwarding them on…PHEW, I was worried.


But I received this chain email titled ‘Truths for Mature Humans’ recently and it is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read…mostly because as I read through the ‘truths’ I realized that they are some of the universe’s most true thoughts!


Now I’m not going to ask you to forward this to 20 friends and tell you if you don’t you will have 7 years of bad luck, a flat tire and get the flu sometime in the next 3 years because I'm 98% sure that will not happen (I can't give you 100% because being too confident will bite us in the butt)…but here is the list of ‘Truths for Mature Humans’



1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.      


2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.


3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger…I really think there should be a ‘Rollover’ program with this                                                                 


4. There is great need for a sarcasm font…AMEN TO THAT                               


5. Just how are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I will NEVER NEVER EVER know how to fold a fitted sheet.                   


6. Was learning cursive really necessary? It hasn’t been yet.                                 


7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 


8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.                                                               


9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.         


10. Bad decisions make good stories.                                      


11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day…I usually have this moment around 10:05 once the show is over and this sneaks up on you like a sniper. EVERY.TIME.                                                           


12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.



13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to…this is some of the worst panic in the world                                            


14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.                                                                      


15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?


16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste!

I recycle that outfit the next day, and I’m not sorry about it.


17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 


18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.


19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.



20. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.                                                                        


21. I would rather try to carry 10 over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.


22. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text. For real though, don’t text and drive.                                                        


23. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.                                                                    


24. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? …I’m so guilty of this! I got with 2, maybe 3 if I know the person well and then just smile and nod!


25. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!                                                                   


26. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.


27. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?   


28. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far…the panic is real. 


29. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists…PREACH.


30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.                                              


31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!..THIS IS THE BEST ONE. AS TRUE AS THE WORLD GETS.


Hilarious right?!?!


You know for most of these you were shaking your head in agreement of how true they are!


Hopefully these make Monday a little easier for you!


Do you have any other ‘Truths for Mature Humans’ that should be on this list?! Email me at Tory@1017thebull.com or tweet me @ToryTheBull!

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